Vive La Martiniere

I find it hard to explain how I felt when I got a message from my alma mater, La Martiniere College Lucknow saying that they wanted to felicitate me at the Founder's Day dinner this year - that was yesterday, for those of you who have not had the good fortune to have been in Mart...:)

It was thrilling to say the least and I do so wish I had been there myself... it feels good to hear what they would say have to about you. No? Especially when it comes from the institution that has pretty much made you what you are. No?

Oh well! Everything we want doesn't really come true... anyway I do so want to thank the Mart Association for this truly amazing (and, to my mind, not very deserved) honour. I am terrifically touched and deeply humbled.

Thank you! That is pretty much all I can say - at such times don't you so feel the inadequacy of words and languages... :)

Vive La Martiniere

SANDMAN

Isn't it so strange that we miss the one's we really love only when they have gone away from us. And this is so much more painful when we realize that it is not often we come across anyone we really, really adore; someone who ignites such feeling in you that the mere thought of her/him is enough to fill you with a warm glow of happiness, of being alive, of being at peace.

The last few days I have been alone with my thoughts and hovering all around them is Sandman. He left us just six weeks ago and had only been a part of our lives for barely seven, oh so short years, but what meaning and joy he had delivered in that brief blink of time.

I remember the day he entered my life. A tiny golden ball of fun, fury and affection. That evening when I got him home he fit into the palm of my hand. That night, thinking that he would miss the warmth of his mother and the rest of his litter, I put him to sleep on my stomach.

I did not sleep much that night, for the sheer fear of rolling over and squashing tiny him, but I have no regrets; the memory of that night is nestled deep in my heart. I can still close my eyes and feel his heart beating against me. I can feel the warmth of his body mingling with mine. I can even today hear those sporadic whimpers, which escaped him from time to time as he wandered into whatever doggy dream world that he had gone to. Such was the joy that this soon became a part of our routine. It did not do much good to the dark circles under my eyes (which thanks to the colour of my skin, were never so visible..:)), but it certainly gave me many memories to cart ahead with me in my life.

And I am glad that I remember those nights so starkly, since it was not long before that tiny handful of a puppy had grown into a huge, playful, loving monster of a dog and having him anywhere on the bed would have meant my having to sleep on the floor.

Those memories are embedded in my head and my heart. And today, now that he is so longer with us, I so very often flip through them, like a album of photographs. They fill me with such joy and love that I am happy again and the pain of his passage from my life recedes.

I remember him sleeping in his water bowl in my office. I remember him going with me when I went to visit my clients; waiting impatiently in the car with the driver, greeting him with ferocious growls and loving licks when I returned, as though I had been away many years instead of a few minutes. I remember him bounding joyously to the door when I returned home, instantly making the tiredness and hassles of the day go away.

I remember him refusing to leave my bedside when I was ill. I was alone during those days and he, along with Sasha, his mate, would sit there, right by my side, raising their heads the minute I stirred, watching me with those soft brown eyes, their love and concern evident. During those days I remember how I had to force them to eat, something that Sandman, at least, never missed out on. Their simply being there made those days so much easier. So much so that I wonder how I will fare the next time I am ill and he will not be there by my side.

And as his memories flit through me in these past few days, I have yet again felt the love within and I am suddenly happy and so much more at peace, that life had delivered us to the same crossroads at the same time, albeit every so briefly.

I am grieved beyond words that he has moved on and away, but I am grateful, since even that little period of time has made my life so much more worthwhile and meaningful.

I miss him so, but there is much joy in my heart, for the moments we shared together. I know those days will never return, but I am happy they were at least there.

I miss him so much that it actually hurts, but I am still very happy that we had shared moments of our life. After all, we all know that all things are impermanent and shall not stay with us for ever, at least not as we want them to, or as we found them. However, should this stop us from loving someone? Should this stand in the way of the joy our journey today can bring to us?

And pray why did I write this blog? Simply because I felt like it... because I have been thinking of him the last few days... he has been in my mind more than any other thing.

Now this is something that I do feel I need to make some time for. Then I ask myself, would I rather write a blog or just stay with my next book and get that to you as soon as possible..:)

So, for the moment I think I will just mull over this and decide...:)

Till then - Watch out for BLOWBACK! - the third one in the LASHKAR series - coming soon to a bookstand near you... in Jan 2010. Better or worse I do not know, but I can assure you it will be different...:)

Till later then!

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